


My Secret

by Danaeka



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, F/M, Genderbending, Heavy Angst, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Klaus Hargreeves and Vanya Hargreeves are Twins, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Number Five | The Boy Whump, Number Five | The Boy has PTSD, Number Five | The Boy-centric, Past Rape/Non-con, Protective Allison Hargreeves, Protective Ben Hargreeves, Protective Diego Hargreeves, Protective Klaus Hargreeves, Protective Luther Hargreeves, Protective Vanya Hargreeves, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Underage Drinking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:35:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26833045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danaeka/pseuds/Danaeka
Summary: Five got close to the bar's side, slid down it with her legs to her chest, leaving enough open space to see the mess that was there, but not quite the origin."I'm no better than a whore..."None of the Hargreeves were good with emotions, and as they watched the strongest of them, as they watched Number Five cry, they wished they were.
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves/Luther Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves/Diego Hargreeves/Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves/Lila Pitts, Klaus Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Allison Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Ben Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Klaus Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Luther Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Vanya Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy/The Handler (Umbrella Academy), Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves, The Hargreeves Family
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	My Secret

**Author's Note:**

> In case my tags weren't enough, or that the actual warning that Appeared before the story wasn't enough... This is a HEAVILY ANGSTY fic, this is also a genderbent fic because yolo (only the Hargreeves are gebderbent though) 
> 
> I'll deal with rape, rape recovery and many sensitive subjects so please... If you don't like this click off. I'm not lightening things up in here. 
> 
> That said... Enjoy.
> 
> Thank you beforehand and goodbye

"Hey dad? I've been meaning to-OH MY GOD!"

The scene in the room was, horrible to say the very best of it, Lila wanted to puke, for it was one thing to know what your father did to some woman in questioning to get answers, woman guilty of horrible deeds that must as well been the nicest torture method compared to the other agents, they deserved it, but this…

"Oh hello Lila dear" his father said while stopping to fix his suit a bit with one hand and using the other (that currently held the whole of Five's hair) to push Number Five's head against the wood a bit harsher. "Don't tense up so much little bitch, it's only hurting for you if you do that" the girl just jerked a bit in response.

"D-Dad what are you…"

"Oh well, figured I might as well punish her for killing your parents darling" Lila saw Number Five jerk again only to be pulled at by the hair. "Shut it," he hissed.

"But you-"

"I didn't give the order honey, she was under my command and going to wag your tail at other handlers is practically cheating on me. Isn't it Number Five?" The man gave another thrust causing her to shed a tear, a tear Lila saw...

"S-Stop it! It hurts! Give me time!"

"Oh don't be a literal pussy Number Five. You're usually so quiet. I told you to relax" he gave another thrust, Lila knew those movements, and before her father had the decency to ask to be 'left alone', she bolted through the door'

"Someone knows now… I'm sure she won't tell your family but.. Now she knows the little whore you are, I own you Number Five, this body you have is mine!" His hands went right between her legs. "And as much as you… Your cunt is mine. Do you think that brother of yours is gonna want you now?"

She wanted to scream and yet, when he pulled her head back by her hair, giving her enough space to do so (as she had been pressed against the desk without enough room to breathe properly let alone scream) Five just couldn't muster up the courage.

* * *

Lila thought briefly of stealing a suitcase, thought better of it and just charged up Five's powers to jump through space. She wanted to puke for a different reason now, and she actually ended up doing so in the trash bin right next to a certain pair of legs.

"What the fuck?!" Diana quickly jumped away from the couch.

"Oh, your little girlfriend is here" Klaus taunted her while drinking from her cup.

Lila wiped her mouth and stood up shakily. Headed for the sink, washed her mouth and dried her lips off. Her whole vision was blurry, she felt like her senses were heightened, she blamed Five's powers.

"Well excus-" Latoria tried to start until Lila shushed her up and sat down on one of the stools, still trying to catch her breath.

"I saw my father fucking your sister"

"... We have five sisters. You have to be a little more specific" Allan said slowly.

"The one who's missing! Number Five!" Lila grumbled while getting herself a glass of Vodka, full, she felt she was going to need it.

"We don't joke around with those kinds of things Lila" Latoria (leader wanna be) warned as she approached Lila.

"I'm not joking! I would never lie-" Diana was quick to interrupt.

"Oh, yes you lie!"

"Shut up! I meant I would never lie about something this serious!" Lila corrected. "I don't know how long it's been going on but I saw them!"

"Let's not forget Number Five's real age, who said they didn't have a thing for each other" Klaus tried to calm the situation while standing up to stay in the middle. Vanya eyed her but stayed put.

"No! You guys are really stupid! I mea-"

"So you're lying then?" Diana got closer.

"That's not what I said! My dad was fucking her, but she didn't want to be fucked!"

"Lila what the hell?!" Diana finally snapped and threw a punch at Lila, who in response landed a kick to the side of her girlfriend's face. This, as it was always the case with the Hargreeves, escalated into a fight that the whole of the rest were not fighting were sure the whole street could hear. "My sister is not one to let herself be attacked like that! If that was the case I'd feel sorry for your father!"

Diana was about to take her knife out when Allan finally decided to grab her by the armpits and lift her up, which would've been effective… If Diana hadn't landed a kick on his knee.

Most sibling fights ended in a cat fight, slaps and kicks and some punches as none of them actually wanted to go full out on the rest. The reason? They wouldn't want to damn each other that big, (never mind barely checking on each other over the years they spent apart, but that's besides the point.)

But Allan wasn't about to let some girl kick him without a punishment (very much less his older sister, there were things at stake, like his ego), so he landed a punch on her cheek instead. Latoria as always tried to stop the fight once more, but ended up getting involved by being kicked on the chest and punched in the gut by the two already struggling siblings.

Ben and Vanya watched it all unfold. What else could they do?

* * *

"... Get off me"

"Let me regain my breath Five, be a bit considerate"

Number Five was trembling, her legs were a mess from what she could feel on her skin, she desperately needed a bath. The Handler finally pulled out, which made her shiver, feeling the bile rise on her throat, until she swallowed it to save whatever was left of her pride.

"Okay," the man fixed his pants and planted one last, forceful kiss on Five's lips to go over to the cabinets in the corner. "Let me get that"

"... Hurry up" Five grunted, holding her emotions in check. Slowly getting down from the desk that was dripping blood onto the already red carpet, she didn't want to look down at herself…

"Here it is" she practically snatched the file from his hands and started looking through it, face going pale as she read it. "... This is a joke right?! It has to be a joke!"

"I'd never lie to you number Five" he blew her a kiss, her whole body got shivers. "I just chose when to spill the beans"

"You rap-" she shakily started until the Handler hushed her with yet another kiss, she wanted to bite his lip off but… Once again she couldn't muster up the courage.

"No no no, I never raped you, it was all work related. You knew our deal, information in exchange for your cunt. Now that you finally got home, a goodbye party was in session"

"You could've to-"

"As I said… a goodbye party was to happen, and unless you want me to make you blow me, get out of my office. If your siblings mess the timeline again I'll fix it, you already know the price"

Five was gone before he could blink.

* * *

Her whole body hurt, blood still dripping from the spot between her legs. Five was in the mood to deal with this the same way she dealt with it the first time around, get wasted, wanting to forget everything she just had to endure, she wanted to scream, why?! It had happened to her many times already, yet for some reason now it hurt the most, maybe because the bastard hadn't given her enough time to adapt, or the fact that he used her close to four times with no breaks. She wanted to scream and… That wouldn't fix a thing. So...

When she stumbled into the mansion landing on the armchair in the library, she headed directly to the bar, not before grabbing one of the pillows in the library. A white pillow. As she walked (limping badly as the tingling and burning between her legs got worse whenever she rubbed them together) she heard nothing, no noise… At her destination she immediately reached for the strongest alcohol they had, she also drowned from out of the cups the remaining coffee, she felt the blood trickle faster down but she didn't care… Five just wanted to feel numb. She served herself a glass… And immediately drank from the bottle instead. She placed the pillow on the stool and sat on it, legs on either side.

Five's skirt and cushion were drenched in clotting blood, already turning that dark red shade it went to before turning brown. Her long hair looked like it had been pulled at, some of the strands were even torn, there was a big, sharp looking glass shard beside her, a few hairs stuck to it. Her green eyes looked unfocused…

"...Five?" Vanya was the first to speak up. Finally she noticed them. They also looked a bit beat up.

"Oh," she turned to look at the group, hand gripping the neck of the bottle tighter, "I thought you all would be lost, scattered by now… and that I'd… Have to look for you all over the fucking state." Five took another swig from the bottle, moving a bit to change her sitting position, wincing whenever she did so.

No other seemed to notice that slight wince… But Vanya did.

"What… Made you think that?" Allan asked carefully.

"Oh, I don't know… What else? Last six times I've had to run around half of my week to get you all and the rest is saved to either stop your idiotness, Diana, or follow Vanya's new fucktoy as that's what triggers him in the end! You'd figure that after SIX WHOLE TIMES HE'D STOP!" Five was shaking, taking another swig she moved a bit harsh and winced. This time a lot more noticeable than last…

"Five, calm down. We're all here now! We landed together!" Ben (Benadette) said while approaching slowly. "We've all had a rough few years… Or months…"

"Oh, now you all had it rough!" She laughed harshly while her hand tangled her hair, pulling softly, she felt like breaking down right now. "Listen here…"

She slowly got up, wincing as she did, but the alcohol did wonders to numb most of the pain she knew from heart was about to happen. Five took one last swig from the bottle before using it as a pointer to speak directly at each of her siblings.

"Latoria, you spent four years on the moon and mourned over it a year, a whole fucking year and to this day," she pointed to the floor, "you still mourn it… I spent forty eight years alone! You at least had food! I had to eat cockroaches and junk! Papers, sometimes even rocks small enough to swallow!"

She turned to look at Diana.

"So what? Frustrated you can't be number one? That dad never recognized you? That he never acknowledged you? Little hero complex?! I'm number fucking Five! Dad wasn't even worried when I left! He never looked for me! Never made a fucking effort to bring me back home! When we last timeline I found out he could, you didn't see me go mad!"

Now she pointed at Allan.

"You hate your power so much? Your power could've saved us so many fucking times and you just didn't use them… Why? 'Because they're too uncontrollable'?! My powers are so unstable that they landed me on a younger body! Literally my sixteen year old body, they make me feel ill and nauseous! They couldn't land us together once!"

Five turned to Klaus.

"Where to start… Dad locked you in a mausoleum… HE THREW ME OFF BUILDINGS FOR ME TO JUMP MYSELF TO SAFETY! HE MADE ME JUMP TO DIFFERENT ROOMS! DON'T MIND WHERE I LANDED THAT I STABBED MYSELF TOO MANY TIMES TO COUNT! You turn to drugs… I can't, drugs enhance my powers. Alcohol? It destroys my stupid young body, your long lost love?! MINE FUCKS EVERY SINGLE APOCALYPSE CAUSE UNDER MY NOSE AND I CAN'T DO SHIT ABOUT IT!"

She glanced at Ben.

"So the Sparrow Academy, huh? Bunch of rejects… Kids from all over the world. None of you died, none of you left, none of you were tortured… You just have that Eldritch inside and that's your sin? I WISH I HAD THAT! My sins can't even be counted with all the monster's tentacles! They're too many! You cried for killing burglars and assassins and robbers and rapists! I KILLED INNOCENT PEOPLE! NONE OF THEM DESERVED TO DIE!

Finally, she locked eyes with Vanya.

"Don't even get me started… You know, KNOW FULLY WELL, how unstable you are! How much work your powers need! And yet you still run off and fuck everyone you meet under a thirty day radius! Never mind they're shady, married, dangerous or straight up our enemy! You run off and have NO CARE IN THE WORLD!-

"Five you're being unreasonable with the wrong people" Lila finally chipped up, this seemed to snap something inside her.

"STAY OUT OF THIS!" She slammed the bottle on the table, breaking it. "You all have no idea how many strings I've had to pull to save each of your sorry asses so many times! I HAD TO AGREE TO GET FUCKED JUST TO FIND OUT WE'RE FINALLY WHERE WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE!"

The room went dead silent. Five appeared to have come down from her emotion-filled outburst… Finally realizing she spilled what she was so desperate to hide. Immediately her whole body felt absolutely heavy again, like the dead weight she felt ever since her first time was back. Lila saw how Diana staggered a little bit in her step so she placed a hand on her back to steady her.

"Five…" Ben tried to sound as calm as possible. "We want to understand. Let us help you, let me help you"

' _You're pretty cute as a kid Number Five, whatever you need, let me help you'_

She wanted to throw up…

"We know you'd think this was wrong but-" Latoria whispered, extending her hand.

' _You know… You'd… Think this was… Wrong but…_

The air was escaping her lungs, her whole chest felt tight, her eyes glazed over.

"You understood me so well…" Lila was to her right...

' _You understand me so well…'_

Pain, pain on her neck and back and arms and legs… And on her cunt, it hurt… She wasn't ready, never mind the idiot never actually bothered to prepare her beforehand… the Handler has just….

_'oh come on! Look at me! You can't seriously say this hurts!'_

She grabbed onto the edge of the bar, completely forgetting the bloodied pillow behind her, her fingers let the remaining broken shards on the bottle fall. She briefly wondered if she could teleport to her room, ultimately discarding said option since her whole body felt like jelly (that and that the Handler always drugged her up so she had a hard time using her powers.) Running was her only choice to get out… But her legs… her muscles… Her cunt felt as if it was made of molten rock.

"Five…" Someone was _**behind**_ her, before she could react they hugged her… Touched her… His hands had been gripping her waist exactly where they were holding at the moment.

This time she didn't have a deal to maintain. _She fought back._

Five pushed said human being off of her, punched them in the gut, tried to land a kick on their middle when suddenly someone else grabbed her from the arm.

_No fucking way._

… **_who_** was screaming?...

.. Why didn't they **_shut up_**?!..

. Wait .

Opening her eyes, she saw everyone, looking at her with disbelief in their eyes, scared, probably mocking her in their mind. She was the one screaming… She was the one who wouldn't shut up. Their looks, oh their looks… They spoke volumes and words their voices would never be able to. Each and everyone held an expression of shock (also of disgust she believed). Just think… Who wouldn't be disgusted… She sold herself for something…

Her cunt in return for information…

_No different than a prostitute._

Finally realizing her chance to escape this nonsense she decided to run, it would've worked… If Allan hadn't opened his big mouth.

"I heard a rumor you told us everything about your rapes…"

Five's eyes glazed over… Her whole body shook a bit while she grabbed her head trying to fight the urge to tell them everything the Handler had done to her. All she had to do just to find them that many times, all the deals and favors she had to pull in order for the seven of them to be alive. It would all go to waste if she were to talk but…

"Five, I heard a rumor you stopped trying to fight the urge to ignore my command and told us about your rape!"

"WHICH ONE?!" she snapped. "Wanna hear about the time he made me suck him off while you were following Leonard around?! About how killing the committee headboard wasn't enough to hand the suitcase that he fucked me in that alley?! An alley you all couldn't be bothered to get to! Then we have Vanya here setting world war three in motion! Ever wondered why we never heard of it again?! BECAUSE I AGREED TO HAVE MY CUNT FUCKED TO GET YOUR SORRY ASSES OUT OF TROUBLE! The Sparrow Academy? None of you idiots wanted to listen to not contact yourselves in that timeline but you still did, that debt didn't cancel itself!…I hate anal and won't do it again! Then we have our opposite sex selves! Vanya still did the whole screw with a married person again! Vanya he was the trigger!" Five grabbed another bottle that Lila tried to take back, but just with her glare she stopped.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY ROUNDS THAT TOOK TO FIX?! How many blowjobs I had to do… How many times I had to let him lick my cunt… TO FIX YOUR MISTAKE?! Timeline number five was almost good, almost there… And then someone with daddy issues had to go and fuck things up…" She was mumbling that part, until her eyes glazed again at the rumor re taking effect, she continued, "how do I explain a serum missing from the old man's lab Latoria? How?! Tell me how I explain that fucking serum without causing him to kick us all out without the suitcase?! I GO OVER TO MY MASTER AND FUCKING OFFER MY CUNT IN EXCHANGE FOR THE GODFORSAKEN SERUM SO THE OLD MAN WON'T NOTICE! Then this timeline! Looks way too perfect. So I get worried, go over, and make a deal, of course LILA WALKED IN, MADE HIM MAD, so he fucked me three more times…" Five ran her hands through her hair.

"...Do any of you have an idea what it feels like? How painful it is!? Yes Klaus! I know what you're thinking!" Klaus tilted her head, she wasn't thinking anything, she was plotting how to get said man killed… " 'but vaginas self lubricate and expand when you're horny!'" Five was mocking Klaus's voice, yet she sounded tired, voice shaky, fingers tracing the bottles lips.

"Well guess what… They do… They fucking do when enough time has gone by, when you are so in the moment that you just want to have it inside! I NEVER WANTED THAT! I wanted to cry every time I felt him pull out just to slam back in! And that denial slowed my slick production, so every time he slammed in he had to use force because: one, I wasn't self lubricating and two, I was tightening up so bad he was grunting in pleasure! I'm suffering there, on his desk, and he's moaning in my ear…"

Five took a swig from the bottle at hand.

"Blood is horrible lube, it's hot, sticky and it dries fast… In the long run it's more painful." She gestured to her legs, "but I wouldn't know… Since I never suffer, I just bother you all to help me with small things"

Vanya wanted to hold close, hug her, hold her to her chest and chase off that man if he ever tried to get close again, but he knew Five wasn't quite done yet. She hasn't gotten it all out.

"It burns… It burns horribly… The stretching feels awful… And when you finally start to feel pleasure you can't even enjoy it because you're disgusted with your body… Your body betrayed you…" She slammed the bottle, still half full, into the wall. "My belly felt warm whenever he was near, my cunt got tingly… Never mind whenever I look at his desk and remember how I grab those edges… I-I… I want to fucking kill myself. But I can't, because I wouldn't do shit, it wouldn't change the fact that even if I left my physical hell I would never leave my mental one… selling my cunt for information… For favors… For literal money..." Five got close to the bar's side, slid down it with her legs to her chest, leaving enough open space to see the mess that was there, but not quite the origin.

"No different than a prostitute. "

None of the Hargreeves were good with emotions, and as they watched the strongest of them, as they watched Number Five cry, they wished they were.

Vanya took it upon himself to lift her up and carry her to the room after she was calm enough (she also took the pillow with her and a bag of Klaus's contraceptive pills). She left her in the bed, and sat on the corner.

Vanya noticed the way she winced the first time, that lost look in her eyes… the way she held to the bottle like a lifeline, how aggressive she got when they got close, he wanted to kick himself on the butt. Tracing his fingers over the clotted blood on the pillow in his hands he sighed, Vanya should be disgusted touching this, not because it was blood, or where it came from.. Why… No, he should've felt revolted mainly because he knew what those white bits were, that gooey substance that stayed over the blood, it was not 'white blood cells trying to clot whatever injury Five had in her inner walls'... It was cum, that sole thought had his blood boiling.

His thoughts were interrupted when Five lifted her head and got up, she looked at Vanya who just nodded, giving her permission to grief, so she did. Five threw as many things as she could on the ground, tore the sheets off the bed and threw the pillow to the wall. Jumped a few times out of anger, tore pages out of certain failed equation notebooks…

Her hands went to her face while her knees gave up. Five crumpled to the ground releasing another broken scream.

Except this time she was completely aware of what she was doing.

… _and someone was letting her do it._

* * *

".... How long did you know?" Diana asked while trying to ignore the screams from above.

"I just found out… I literally walked in on them." Lila was oddly quiet, her head was cast down.

"I really want to believe you Lila, but-"

"I know how bad this looks! But I wouldn't have come all the way here if I didn't want to help. I knew my father used to… Do that… To criminals on whom no other tortures would work. It was like a miracle since he said they wouldn't even need to ask for information. But they were grown ass people, people who had done such horrible things none of you would ever imagine. But her? All she ever did was try to save you guys…"

"How could I… How could she…"

Klaus sighed and rubbed her back, slowly she turned to the table to wipe away the vodka that had spilled over the counter due to the broken glass bottle shattering.

"Five's always been good at hiding her own emotions." She tried to explain.

"No, Klaus it hurts. Like… I know you know how that feels. The first time hurts." Latoria whispered while washing a few of the kitchen towels.

"I dont remember how that feels but… surely you do" Klaus eyes unfocused for a few, she grabbed something from her sweater and headed upstairs.

"I do and I was under a very hard drug and alcohol influence, and I remember the pain." She sighed, looking the way her sister went.

"look, right now Five doesn't need you idiots to fight." Lila looked specifically at Diego and Latoria. "She need you guys to let her mourn and fall apart and let her heal then. She needs a family…"

Even with all their disagreements… They could all say Lila was right.

* * *

"Get it all out Five…" Vanya told her after closing the door and placing something in his pocket.

Her breath stopped.

"... So now you care" she whispered.

"Five I've always cared… " he paused and sighed, "I have something that you'll need…let me help you."

_'Come on Number Five… why so tense? Let me help you…"_

"No! Leave! You're not getting to me this time!"

"Five, I'm not him! I'm Vanya!"

"You're lying! You're all liars!"

"Five! I used to leave sandwiches for you remember? You were afraid of the dark so I left the lights on so you'd find your way home!" That… Was indeed something only Vanya would have knowledge of but…

"What do you want…"

"For you to take the pills. I'm taking you to the hospital" he spoke in a calm voice.

"What?! No!"

"Five, you were raped! You want to admit it or not you were raped and I'm not having you get pregnant from it. I'm taking you so you can get more contraceptives, a proper medication and a record."

"I don't want anyone poking around on my cu-

"Five, trust me, you need to go." He was firm on this.

"Vanya n-”

"Five listen here, I know they won't find him. But you might get an infection from sitting on your own blood on a dusty cushion, because you drank alcohol and caffeine your blood is thinner and thus you're bleeding a lot. I can smell the copper Five."

"... I don't want anyo-”

"Anyone knowing? Yeah neither did I, and that's why I screwed up. Now can you please just take the pills and let me help you for once?"

".... What do you-”

"If you come with me to the hospital and let them run a test on you... I'll tell you my story." Five nodded slightly and kept buttoning the shirt she wore over and over again, always that same button, hands shaking and fingers cold, Vanya also fixed the shirt a bit and handed him a blanket on the way out.

"Alright Five… I'm gonna place my hand on your lower back to guide you okay?" Vanya said softly.

"Vanya, you can touch me. I don't like it but I won't scream, at least not again" She tried reassuring.

"It's not about that" He started. "You have full control of your body. You can control everything that happens now. No one will ever touch you again without you wanting it or approving of it."

Once again, Five nodded as she was guided to the hallway and into the car that Vanya somehow got his hands off.

The ride was silent… And it was okay…

She liked the peace.

* * *

Five didn't like hospitals. They smelled of body disposal and actual bleach. The walls were too white to represent what actually went on inside the walls of said places, she didn't like how every nurse either treated her harshly… Or treated her like she was made of fucking glass… the robes they made the patients wear were awful. For once they were mostly stiff and caused her skin to be itchy, she didn't like itchy. They also took away her normal clothes, even her underwear. She felt exposed. (She didn't even wanna think about putting her feet up on the stirrups.)

"Five it's fine..." Vanya had insisted on staying, apparently knowing something she didn't. "They'll be done before you know it."

"I don't even want it to start…" She whispered.

"It's usually over in like an hour and a half. They'll probably want you to stay the night though." He smiled softly.

"I don't… I want to go home Vanya"

"I know you do."

The time went on and off, sometimes she was keenly aware of where everyone and everything was, there were other times that she didn't even remember her own name, did she even have a name?

"Night Miss Hargreeves…" A female doctor walked in. Vanya nodded at her and she returned the gesture. Five was stiff.

"Five, she's talking to you" Vanya whispered, that seemed to snap her out of it for a little while. She looked at the doctor and nodded slightly too.

"So how this is going to proceed, the forensic nurse will take pictures of any bruises, marks of damage done to your body, she'll also cut your nails… then you'll put your legs up here, on these stirrups, this will allow me to check your pelvis and after that we'll give you a round of medication to evade pregnancy. Is that all clear?"

Five seemed a bit out of it. But she nodded anyway.

"Alright. Sir I'm gonna ask you to lea-" she started while looking at Vanya. Only to be stopped by the youngest looking who was shaking her head vigorously while holding for dear life to Vanya's hand.

"No! He stays! Please… I… I…" Vanya had never seen Five so nervous, she was almost in tears, holding to her only landline. Him.

"Alright, sir" the doctor turned to Vanya, "I want to warn you, SAFE kits exams are very shocking. Especially if you have a close connection to her."

"I know… But she needs me here and, I'm not leaving her alone ever again"

That seemed to please the doctor. Just as the exchange was done a nurse walked in, it was the same woman who'd taken Five's clothes earlier that hour. She asked Five to show her neck, something Vanya had failed to notice earlier during their little exchange was the big, hand shaped bruise that ran all over Five's neck, it was darkening quickly. The nurse took a picture, not too bothered by it. She then asked her to liff her gown so she could check for further bruising, and even if she was reluctant to do so at first, with Vanya's reassuring smile she did so… Vanya wanted to let her claw The Handler's eyes out. Her breasts were also bruised, the same way her neck was, her back and butt cheeks held red and purple marks, the nurse mumbled something of those going away in the morning, nonetheless pictures were taken, her waist had two hand prints, already going into the purple center and green edge territory.

If Vanya had been able to remain calm through all the previous procedures this next one definitely broke him.

The nurse noticed something tracing her thighs, the inside of them if you wanted to be specific, so she asked her to open her thighs a bit, she did, but then the idiot of a nurse actually grabbed her by the knee... This of course sent Five over the edge, Vanya immediately hugged her from the bacK even knowing that could send her into an actual panic attack (not just startle her)...

He was not expecting her to relax in his hold and to actually hide her face on his neck… Vanya nodded at the nurse and she finished the process a few minutes later, she cut Five’s nails, took a sample from her mouth to then leave the room to the doctor’s jurisdiction.

Vanya never saw Five try to hold in tears so hard.

* * *

Whilst Five stood below the warm water silent tears escaped her eyes that, luckily were being washed away quickly by the water. She couldn't even bring herself to clean between her legs…

_"I want information…"_

It had been a natural, expected visit… She always visited the Handler whenever they landed in a new timeline. Was it to gather information or just to know whether he has something to do with shit or not that was his business… his alone.

Her bathroom always held scissors. Not that she was about to self harm but… Washing her hair felt wrong… Shampoo and soap and whatever she might put into it wasn't going to eliminate the fact that he had grabbed her by it…

_"Fancy of you to join me Number Five…" That voice sent shivers down her spine, the man stood up and ever so slowly approached her, lifting a hand to caress his long hair. "I'd expect you to be busy gathering all your idiot of a family."_

_"I would… But I want to know … What timeline did we land on?"_

_The Handler giggled and Five wanted to gag, but she kept a straight face and looked at the man._

_"You know nothing's free Number Five…"_

_"Who do I have to kill?" She asked hoping that at the moment he had a grudge against someone… Anyone would do, like in timeline four._

_He deadass laughed. Five was confused as to why for a few seconds… the Handler pulled her forward by the lock she had still on her grip, his face was so close to hers… She could smell his sweet breath, sweet… She hated sweet things._

Grabbing said pair of scissors she immediately chopped off that hair strand...

_"Information works like this Number Five," he started explaining, walking behind her, now grabbing her whole hair, pulling her head back, "your cunt in exchange for the timeline information."_

As quick as the images were replying were the strands falling to the floor. Piece by piece her long, silky black hair was being destroyed. All because someone who shouldn't have touched it, did, someone who shouldn't have ran his fingers through it did, and because someone who shouldn't have pulled at it… **_Fucking_** did.

_Five looked down to her side, gritting her teeth until she swore one cracked. After a few minutes she nodded and, not a second after that, the Handler had pushed her to the desk, chest to wood, parted her legs and-_

"Five?"

She jumped a bit, scissors falling to the ground, turning the faucet off she approached the door while grabbing a hold of the same pair of sharp blades once again… She was defending herself this time around no matter what.

"Five it's Vanya… I brought some clothes for you to wear"

"... I'm naked."

"I know Five. I won't look. Just open the door okay? I'll close my eyes and you have control. When you tell me to leave I will."

Nodding, Five slowly opened the door and allowed Vanya entry. He walked in and true to his words, his eyes were shut tight. He handed a bag over to Five, who took it softly and checked it the moment it was in her hands. There was a soft, cotton looking dress shirt, a men's cotton dress shirt, then there was also a pair of boxers still in the package, some socks, and a fluffy blanket. it all smelled of Vanya… (minus the boxers. Those smelled like a store package).

"Vanya…"

"I figured something big and somewhat familiar would help." Five nodded, and even if Vanya couldn't see it, she smiled and started dressing up.

"Thanks…" She whispered softly while putting the shirt on slowly, black shirt thankfully Later, when she was trying to lift her legs to put the underwear on, she couldn't… It hurt so much. "Shit… Never hurt this bad before…"

".... I'll try to contain myself to that comment… but, I can help you… Or you'd rather have I call Diana or… Ben?"

"No… You.. Just close your eyes. With how much it hurts it mustn't be a pretty sight." Vanya wanted to scream… She sounded so broken…

"I won't. " He washed his hands thoroughly, dried them on a clean, unused towel and knelt in front of Five "part your legs a bit…" Vanya whispered, placing her hands on his shoulders, giving Five leverage she didn't know she needed.

"Will you tell me? Your story I mean…"

"Yes I will… But I want you to grasp reality first."

Five grunted as she did so but obeyed nonetheless, Vanya slowly got up as he pulled the underwear upwards, fixing the elastic on her waist.

"How long…."

"What?" he sounded confused.

"How long is it going to take for me to go back to normal… grasp reality?"

Vanya released a long sigh and smiled sadly at her, brushed a lock out of her face and caressed her cheek.

"Those are different things... I don't want to be the bad news bearer… You're never getting back Five… You'll always have the scars. But it's up to you how you'll view them. As a shackle to your prison… or as your key to freedom."

**Author's Note:**

> Unlike all my other stories. I know where I wanna go with this. I don't know (I do) the amount of chapters this is gonna take. But it won't be as long as Timeline 2.0 or as short as Jolt.
> 
> Feedback is always welcomed since it gives me encouragement to write.


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